Coasting through life

I am a coaster. 

I admit that I just sit back on this journey of life, trying not to move around too much because I don't want to tip the boat over. I suck myself into books, movies, tv shows (especially reality tv) to the point that I feel like I'm not even living.

I don't want to just one day wake up and see that life has passed me by and I just sat around waiting for something to happen. I have to start getting up and making things happen. Even the little things.

Books

I love books, I love reading, I love it all. 

For so long I could never figure out why I love it so much but I honestly think I know what it is. It's the escape. Getting to leave my life and go somewhere else for a while where I don't have to think of the stress and drama and scariness of life. I have come to realize that I am a control freak when it comes to life (this is why I hate subbing because I hate not knowing what/where I am going the next day) I want things to go my way. I always have since I was little, which is why I worked so hard in high school and college because I figured my real living would start when I was done. 

Sometimes God has a funny sense of humor. I mean for so long I thought things were going my way, I mean by no means were they perfect or how I thought they would go, but it was okay. Then I didn't get my teaching job, no big deal I thought brush it off maybe next year, but yet again it didn't happen. Maybe God has a lesson in this for me, but right now that's not how it feels. I just feel like I'm stuck in this vicious cycle and there is no way out.

I'm not really a big believer that God gives us signs, but I feel like I need a freaking road map right now to navigate my life. Which is why I read books, for that time I am sucked in and someone else experiencing life and all the things that I wish I had.

Week 1: Long Term Subbing

Week 1 is over! It's crazy to think that already in my 8 week long term I'm already done with one and almost half way done with another. Even though with regular day subbing your in the classroom, you aren't really getting that classroom experience. I forgot how much I actually love it. I forgot how much I really do want to teach and how it is a right fit for me. I was away from it for so long and having such a trouble finding a job that I was questioning myself and my convictions. I feel like this long term position is God's way of reminding me of my love of teaching and that he will somehow and someway take care of me in the future.

I Sure Hope So.....

Strong Enough

In a little less than a month I'm going to be 24 and that's so scary. Not because I'm afraid of getting old but rather that I look at my life and wonder does it really show the depth and growth of someone who is 24? I mean I feel like I have all these "self-help" books about being a godly woman but they are just figures on the shelves that I don't ever read or ever apply to my life. I want to be that mature godly woman that God wants, but I get sucked into my "life" that  I stop that growth working on myself.  Since I came home from college I almost feel like I put my spiritual and self growth on hold and I need to get out of this now!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ewTkrfaWtA


"Not like the Movies" - Katy Perry 
Too often I feel like I'm rushing through life looking for the "one" this song touched my heart and reminded me to stop and just wait because it will happen someday.

Life story

This is my life story. so many times I feel exactly what this is saying.